I am a threat.
It is the only conclusion i can draw to the precautions that the church has put on the concept of opposite sex friendships.
I cannot ride alone with a male colleague, unless we are in a romantic relationship, or are related.
I cannot have a private conversation with a man about something i feel strongly about because i may threaten his integrity and purity.
You’re probably wondering where in the world i have derived this seemly crazy and feminist theory from. ( Please note i’m not a feminist.) Well… i derived it from my early years as a Christian, and every year after that. I learned very quick that in church and ministry that men and women have a very limited allowance to what they can and cannot do together, and whatever they are doing they shall never ever be alone in that act. There is an underlying message that in christian circles , women are a threat to men.
I recognize that these strongly laid guidelines come from good intentions, I just question on whether these restrictions allow us from participating in the kind of trust worthy and honest relationships that I believe God intended. I understand we live in a world with constant temptation and tension on our purity. However instead of creating these ridged, unbreathable restrictions on relationships ( which however go out the window when you’re addressing anyone who struggles with homosexuality) maybe we need to develop the fruit of the Spirit: Self- Control. I also don’t believe you automatically have integrity as a christian, i believe you earn it, and integrity only grows when you’re in the face of it being questioned.
Let me give you a quick example.
A CEO’s integrity as a business man does not get shown until he has the option to sift away billions of company dollars into his own bank account. If he never has that option, you’ll never really know if he has integrity or not.
I’m not saying you should purposely put yourself in risky situations. I’m not even saying you should jump in a car alone with a guy or a girl just to fight the standard.
I am saying we need to look at the entire picture:
Why do I feel like a threat to men? What kind of picture are we painting of our view of opposite sex friendships? I can make one thing clear, my restriction on how much I can spend with my brother’s in Christ paints a pretty clear picture that I am not valued and that as a whole I don’t hold integrity and respect, because if I did, I believe it really wouldn’t be a problem if I went to the same ministry event in the same car as a dude.
“We cannot be a community of people who learn to love God and love others
when it comes on the condition that half of the community is a threat to the whole”
Just some things to think about I guess.